Yellenspeak Translated——“We Have No Clue”

by Paul-Martin Foss at 

YELLEN: Good morning. I realize that everyone in this room has already read our monetary policy statement, but for the boobs out there in the general public who weren’t tipped off by us two hours in advance about what our decision was going to be, let me explain it to you even though you’re perfectly capable of reading it for yourself. In summary, we don’t have any clue what we’re doing or what’s going on in the economy. We’ll continue foolishly targeting a 2% increase in prices, and we’ll blame all sorts of external factors when that target can’t be met. Our projections about the economy are complete shots in the dark, but we’ll make a few minuscule changes to our projections from the June meeting just so that it looks like we know what we’re doing and are reacting to market conditions. So now let’s turn it over to questions.

QUESTION: This idea of uncertainty in global markets, isn’t this going to play out over many months, so that the Fed isn’t ever going to hike rates?

YELLEN: Well, global uncertainty definitely is worrisome, and some FOMC members have pushed their projections for rate hikes into next year. But in the end, we expect all of this to be transitory. I mean, it’s not like we’ve created a huge bubble in the US economy, or that China is going to see a huge correction in its markets. Who would actually believe that?

QUESTION: Is the next meeting in play with regards to a rate hike? And what kind of data would you need to see in order to hike rates?

YELLEN: As I’ve said before, a rate hike is possible at every meeting. And we haven’t told anybody before, but we’ve brought you guys in to prep

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