“You know what my fucking bank did to me?” Bill Burr, well-known comedian, says in a recent podcast. “I walked in. I had this account in New York, a little checking account. Had a little bit of money in it. All the sudden I notice they’re taking some fees out. That shouldn’t be. I get to New York, talk to the douchebag who works there.” Mr. Burr learns what’s been going on.
“Yeah, they’re taking $27 a month out. Here, let me check to see what’s up. Yeah, we shouldn’t be doing this.” So Mr. Burr asks to see how long this has gone on.
“Sorry, our records only go back for four months, because my bank records at home go back the entire time I’ve had the account and I’ve had some paltry sum in there while you deal with billions, if not trillions.”
“What if I bring my records in?”
“No we can only refund it for four months.”
“Dude, what are you talking about?”
“Well, the bank looks at it like that was on you, sir.”
“It’s on me, to not be paying attention to the people keeping my money safe to make sure they aren’t stealing from me?”
The bank employee laughed.
“Dude, this isn’t funny. “You guys just stole from me.”
Burr describes the scene: “The guy’s sitting there doing the fucking smiley, twirling thing, math people do with their pens,and people into finance. I think they do it to hypnotize you, the guy is sitting there telling me they’ve been stealing 30 bucks a month from me, I am trying to deal with him, but I just keep looking at silver shiny pen. [It’s] some kind of jedi mind trick. Luckily I was aware of it.” Mr. Burr, who had a role in the hit series Breaking Bad, determines the bank has stolen somewhere between $1,500-$1,800 over six years.
“The guys sitting there fucking laughing. ‘What are you going to do? Sue us? We’ll take some of that bailout money which is your money and we’ll fucking…”
Mr. Burr trails off, then begins again: “What do I do? I go across the street to one of the four banks that are left?” He dismisses those who might suggest $27 is no big amount.
“$27 bucks a month times how many fucking people!?” he protests. “These fucks are taking $27 a month from everybody, I’m convinced of it. It’s the fucking mob. The mob went legit…”
The New York Times wrote that Burr “has been one of the funniest, most distinctive voices in the country for years.” Maybe he’s onto something about the banks.
Image from YouTube/Conan.